Dream Away the Time That's Left
by Sweet Lunacy
Summary: Jenny finally tells Gibbs that she's sick, and he is determined to be there for her when she needs him. Set during season 5, after "Dog Tags". Angsty Jibbs two-shot.
1. Won't Be Long

**A/N: Set during season 5, after "Dog Tags". Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Swearing as her coffee cup slipped from her hand, Jenny pressed the button on her intercom.

"Cynthia?"

"Yes, Director?"

"Could you bring me a new cup of coffee, please?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you."

Jenny rolled her eyes at her own clumsiness, and set about the task of cleaning up the spilled liquid. She smiled wearily at her younger assistant as she set her replacement coffee on her desk and frowned as she realised her hand was shaking too badly to pick it up. She glared at the cup as though she could lift it with her pure will alone, and when it didn't move, she sighed.

Her door opened hard enough to bounce off the wall behind it, and she rolled her eyes again.

"Jethro, must you barge in here whenever the notion strikes you?"

He frowned at her harsh remark, but didn't comment.

"Need your signature on a warrant."

She nodded, gesturing to the desk.

"Just leave it there."

Her defeated tone made him pause, and he took a step closer to her, looking at her seriously.

"You okay?"

Nodding again, Jenny picked up the warrant he'd lain on her desk, and as he watched her reach for the pen, he noticed the shaking in her fingers. He looked at her with growing concern, and sat down in the chair opposite her desk.

"What's going on, Jenny?"

She frowned, glancing up at him, and he nodded at her.

"Your hand is shaking. Badly."

"I'm fine."

It was the same thing she'd told him in the elevator and he believed her even less now. His eyes roamed over her slowly, taking in every detail of her tired appearance, and he frowned. She was definitely thinner than she'd been previously, her skin was paler than fresh snow, and the circles under her eyes gave her a haunted look. She didn't meet his gaze, and he shifted closer in his seat.

"You're lying."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and her eyes snapped up to his angrily.

"What?"

"I'm not stupid. You're pale, you've lost weight, you look like you haven't slept in years...what's going on? Don't lie to me. We've come too far for that."

Jenny sighed, looking at him sadly.

"Jethro..."

"Jen. Please."

Damn him. He knew she could never refuse anything when he said "please". She bit down on her lip, trying to pretend that she didn't notice the way her pulse was racing. Nodding slowly, she took a deep breath and he frowned.

"I'm sick," she whispered.

"What?"

He hadn't meant to ask, he'd heard her perfectly fine, but it slipped out of his mouth automatically.

"I'm sick, Jethro," she repeated, her voice shaking.

"With what?"

She sighed, shaking her head sadly.

"Does it really matter?"

He frowned, looking at her seriously.

"Jen..."

"Please...just let it go."

While it was his first instinct to protest and keep pushing her until she told him, but one look at the pain in her eyes made him stop.

"How long?"

"Not long enough," she murmured.

He stared at her, his bright eyes searching hers and he knew, just by looking into them, that she was fighting back tears.

"Jenny..."

"Don't," she said, her voice breaking, "please don't, Jethro."

Gibbs nodded, looking at her seriously.

"Do you need anything?"

She shook her head, and gestured to the door. He didn't even realise that she'd been holding his warrant out to him for the better part of a minute, and he took it from her shaking hand.

"Thanks," he said, indicating the paper, "and if you change your mind...you know where I am."

Jenny nodded, and as he walked out the door, he found himself wondering if there was any way he could convince her to talk to him.

* * *

Gibbs sighed as the ringing of his phone shattered his concentration and he set down his sander. He flipped open his phone, reaching for the mason jar filled with bourbon on the table.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Are you busy?"

"Jen?"

"Unless I woke up as someone else, yes."

He frowned at her sarcasm, noting the slight slur in her voice, and set down on the stool.

"How can I help you, Director?"

"Need to bounce something off you."

He waited, knowing she would speak when she was ready, and took another long drink of his bourbon.

"Do you believe in Hell?"

Of all the things he had expected, this hadn't been one of them.

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought it was fairly obvious," she said dryly.

"Any particular reason you're asking?"

She sighed, and he knew that she was taking another drink.

"Again, isn't it obvious?"

"Jenny..."

"No, you know what, Jethro? Forget it. This was a mistake."

She hung up, leaving him staring at his phone in silent shock. How had this gotten so messed up so quickly?

* * *

Jenny frowned at the incessant knocking on her front door, and when she pulled it open, her confusion only intensified.

"Jethro, what are you doing here?"

He shrugged.

"Figured we could continue our conversation from last night."

Nodding, Jenny stepped back to allow him inside, and she blinked hard as her vision swam. He followed her into the living room, observing that she seemed slightly unsteady as she walked. She misjudged the distance between her feet and the coffee table, crashing into it painfully, and he frowned.

"Jesus, Jen, how much have you had to drink?"

She glared at him as she sat down.

"I haven't," she snapped.

Gibbs sat down next to her, unsure if he should touch her, and he ultimately decided to reach for her hand.

"Talk to me. How are you handling this?"

She laughed bitterly.

"By drinking myself into oblivion nearly every night."

He nodded.

"Fair enough, I guess."

She stared at their entwined hands for a long moment, and he wondered if perhaps he had made a mistake.

"Are you going to answer my question now?"

He nodded, still holding her hand.

"Honestly, I don't know anymore. I mean, I'd like to believe that there's something after this life, but I'm not sure if I believe in Hell."

She looked at him curiously, and he frowned.

"Why did you ask about that one, though?"

Jenny shrugged.

"Because with all that I've done, there's no way I would get into Heaven, Jethro."

He stared at her as though she'd lost her mind.

"Nah, you definitely would. You're a good person, Jen. So you made mistakes in your life, we all have. That's no reason for you to be damned for all of eternity."

She looked back at him, and when she spoke, he was taken aback by the pain in her voice.

"I'm looking at my biggest mistake right now."

"Which part, Jen? Being with me or leaving?"

"I could never regret being with you, Jethro," she said quietly, "But leaving? I've regretted that mistake every damn day since I stepped off that plane."

He had never heard her so serious before, and more than anything, he wanted to kiss her. He knew that she would interpret it as him only wanting to be with her because she was sick, but nothing could have been farther from the truth. He'd meant what he had said to her on the steps on her first day as Director.

"Can I be brutally honest with you?" she asked suddenly.

"Always."

"I never stopped loving you, and it kills me to know how much I hurt you when I left."

He was still holding her hand, and it suddenly hit him just how thin her fingers had become. That small detail filled him with a fear that he hadn't expected, and he met her eyes seriously.

"I meant what I told you the night you came back. I've missed you, Jen."

Neither one of them ever knew which one moved first, but when their lips met, the jolt of electricity that passed through him made Gibbs realise just how much he'd missed touching her. It wasn't a deep, swept-off-their-feet kiss, but soft and tentative, just enough to hint at the fire burning behind it. Jenny pulled away first, her eyes downcast as she shook her head, and he frowned.

"What?"

"Jethro, I—we can't do this. You can't be with me. It's too late now."

He stared at her, knowing that she would react this way, and tilted her head up with his hand.

"If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't want this, I won't say another word about it."

"I'm sick, Jethro. I don't want you to be with me just because of that. It's not fair to either of us."

He shook his head.

"I'm not. Weren't you listening? I told you two years ago when you came back that I wanted you. You were the one who shot it down. That hasn't changed. I still want to be with you. For as long as I can."

She frowned, looking at him skeptically.

"What about Colonel Blondie?"

He rolled his eyes.

"You and I both know that wasn't going anywhere. It's always been you, Jen. It always will be."

"I'm still dying, Jethro," she whispered, "This won't have a happy end."

Gibbs leaned forward, kissing her softly.

"Any scenario where I'm with you is a happy one. Don't shut this down. I know you're worried about what's going to happen, but you don't have to do this alone."

Jenny sighed, and he thought for a fleeting moment that she was going to refuse him again.

"Tell me, Jethro."

He didn't even have to ask what she meant. He kissed her again, his lips inches from her own as he spoke, and smiled.

"I love you, Jen."

She'd never thought that she would hear those words, and no matter how hard she tried, Jenny couldn't stop the tears that fell from her eyes. She kissed him slowly, her hand raking through his hair and for the first time in months, her smile was genuine.

"I love you, too."

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Jenny's health began to rapidly decline, and as Gibbs watched her from his desk, he was struck by how pale she was. He had noticed as she'd dressed for work that morning that she'd had difficulty with the buttons on her blouse, but now as she walked closer to him, he wondered how she had managed to stand at all.

"Here's your warrant," she said, her voice slightly breathless.

She tossed it onto his desk and he jerked his head slightly towards the elevator. She understood and when he followed her into the lift, he was surprised when she hit the emergency stop first.

"Is there something you want to ask me?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. How bad is it today?"

She shrugged, but her eyes told a different story.

"You look like you're about to pass out," he informed her.

Jenny nodded, her eyes meeting his seriously.

"Feels that way, too," she whispered.

"Go lie down on the couch in your office. Take it easy."

Her head shook and she sighed.

"I can't. I've got too much to do."

She reached for the switch to turn the elevator back on, and lost her balance as a wave of dizziness swept over her. Gibbs caught her as she fell, narrowly avoiding crashing into the walls of the lift, and she gripped his jacket weakly.

"Jen...please."

She was silent for a moment, and when she finally spoke, her voice was unsteady.

"I don't think I can."

He frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think I can walk that far," she clarified.

He lifted her into his arms, frowning at how light she'd become, and he kissed her hair gently.

"I've got you, Jen."

As soon as he flipped the switch, Jenny closed her eyes at the bright light, and when the doors opened, she prayed that no one would look up at the catwalk and see them. That was all she needed.

* * *

Miraculously, they made it back to Jenny's office without being noticed, and when he placed her gently on the couch, he pulled out his phone.

"Ducky knows?" he asked.

She nodded, and he put the phone to his ear, watching her from the corner of his eye as it rang.

"Autopsy."

"Ducky, need you to come up to the Director's office. Be discreet."

"On my way."

As he knelt next to the couch, he noticed how violently she was shaking, but he had no idea if it was merely a symptom or not.

"Jethro?"

Her quiet voice caused him to jump, and he looked at her.

"Hm?"

"Can I tell you something and you won't laugh at me?"

He nodded, searching her eyes seriously.

"Anything."

"I'm scared," she murmured.

He reached for her hand, her skin ice cold as he brought it to his lips.

"I know, Jen. It's okay."

In truth, he was scared, too. He'd known that she would get worse, but he'd not expected it to happen this quickly. She'd seemed okay the night before, they had even had sex, and now she couldn't even stand. The door opened, revealing a concerned Ducky and he frowned when he saw the fear in her eyes.

"Jennifer?"

"It's okay, Ducky. He knows."

The Scottish doctor nodded, and knelt down to examine her. She gave him a weak smile and when he finally straightened up, he didn't return it.

"I could tell you all the specifics, my dear, but simply put, your illness is progressing. I can give you something for the pain if you'd like, but...unfortunately, that's really all I can do."

Jenny nodded, and he kissed her cheek.

"I am so very sorry, Jennifer."

He excused himself from the room, and Gibbs followed him, hoping to catch him before he got too far.

"Duck, how long?"

Ducky frowned, thinking, and his eyes met the younger man's sadly.

"A few months, perhaps. Maybe more, maybe less. I wish I could give you a better answer. I know how much you care for her."

"It's more than that. I love her."

Ducky nodded, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"I know. And she loves you. For now, let that be enough."

The agent nodded once, and returned to the redhead's office, lifting her up just enough that he could sit down, placing her head in his lap.

"What did he say?" she asked.

He shook his head, smiling down at her.

"Don't worry about it."

"I know it won't be much longer," she said quietly, "I can feel it."

Gibbs leaned down to kiss her forehead, running his hand over her hair.

"Doesn't matter, Jen. I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled weakly at his words, and as he held her, she found herself believing him. It didn't matter how much time they had, all that mattered was how they spent it. She'd wasted so many years regretting the choices she'd made, and now she had the chance to make it right again. She'd be damned if she threw it away. The silence was only broken by the occasional whispered "I love you", and as Gibbs held Jenny in his arms, he knew that no matter how long they had, he was going to make sure she never forgot how much she meant to him.

* * *

**A/N: Season 5 is the last season I've seen, and so much about it pisses me off. I hate that Jenny never told Gibbs that she was sick or how she felt about him, I hate that Gibbs told her "no" in "Lost and Found", and I hate that they killed her without having them get back together. Okay, rant over.**


	2. What We Had

**A/N: I know I said this would be a one-shot, but I couldn't get it out of my head. This is the last part, and I hope you enjoy. Beware the angst.**

* * *

As hard as she tried, Jenny Shepard couldn't focus on the words that were being spoken to her by the bubbly Goth scientist, and she shook her head slowly, trying to clear it. She could tell that Abby had noticed that she wasn't listening, but she couldn't make her mind cooperate.

"Director Shepard, are you okay?"

It happened so fast that she didn't even have time to feel afraid. Her pulse was both too fast and yet seemed to stop entirely, her breath caught in her throat, and she felt her legs give way beneath her. The last thing she remembered was hearing Abby's frightened voice calling her name as her body hit the floor. Abby knelt down in front of the unconscious redhead, reaching out to touch her shoulder lightly, and gently shook her.

"Director Shepard? Can you hear me? It's Abby."

Receiving no answer, Abby straightened up, reaching for her phone and dialing the one person she knew she could trust to act quickly.

* * *

As Gibbs tried to read the small font of the report in front of him, he squinted, wondering where he had left his glasses. He hadn't remembered sitting them down anywhere, but he had no idea where they could have gone. His phone rang shrilly, breaking his concentration, and he sighed.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Gibbs, Gibbs, you have to come down here. Now. It's important."

"Abs, whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait."

"No, it can't! Director Shepard's unconscious. What do I do?"

Shit. He stood up quickly, bolting for the elevator and waited impatiently for it to arrive. As he stepped into the lift, he hoped that Abby was merely being dramatic, and that Jenny was okay. He didn't know what he would do if she wasn't. He stepped out as soon as the doors opened, and when he took in the woman laying on the floor, he frowned, leaning down.

"What happened?" he asked Abby, not bothering to look at her.

"I was just explaining that I really needed a faster processor, and she was really quiet. I didn't think anything of it at first, but her skin was really, really white. Like, she made Casper the ghost look tan. Then she passed out and I called you."

He placed his fingers on Jenny's throat carefully, feeling for a pulse, and was relieved when he found it. Shaking her gently, he leaned closer, checking her breathing, and he glanced at the younger woman standing nearby.

"Abby, go get me a glass of water."

She nodded, running to find a cup, and he turned his attention back to Jenny.

"Jen. Come on, Jen, you can do this."

He shook her gently and she stirred slightly at his touch. At last, her eyes opened and she frowned as she looked up at him in confusion.

"You know, if you wanted to take a nap, you have a perfectly good couch in your office."

Gibbs hoped that by joking with her, he would be able to ease some of her fear.

"W-what happened?"

"You passed out in Abby's lab. Do you remember anything?"

She shook her head slowly, and he wrapped his arm around her, helping her to a sitting position.

"Jen...I really think you need to take some time off."

"I can't, Jethro."

He met her eyes, searching them seriously, and when she realised that he wasn't going to back down, she sighed.

"I'll leave early."

Abby ran back into the room, nearly spilling the water she carried, and she held it out to Jenny, her eyes wide.

"Director Shepard, are you alright?"

Jenny nodded, giving her a weak smile, and Abby frowned. Gibbs stood, pulling Jenny with him and she collapsed against him as she tried to take a step forward. He tightened his grip on her arm, not wanting her to fall again, and he looked at Abby seriously.

"I'm taking her home. Not a word to anyone. Understood?"

She nodded, her eyes wide as she looked between him and their fearless leader.

"Jethro, that isn't nece—"

"Shut up, Jen."

Too weak to protest, she merely nodded, and that in itself was concerning to the young woman standing next to them. Gibbs threw her arm around his neck, leading her to the elevator, and as the silver doors slid shut, Abby was suddenly very worried about her favourite redheaded boss.

* * *

As soon as the elevator closed behind him, Gibbs flipped the switch, looking down at Jenny seriously.

"Are you out of your mind?" he asked harshly.

She raised her eyebrow in question and he rolled his eyes.

"You can't keep working like this, Jenny! You need to take time off. I know you don't want anyone to know, but that ship has sailed. You know Abby won't be able to keep this to herself for long, and they're going to find out anyway. What are you planning to do when it gets worse? Die in your office?"

Jenny winced at his words, but she shook her head determinedly.

"Everything has been worked out with Leon Vance. He knows the situation, and he knows to be prepared at any moment."

"Jen...please. I know how much this job means to you, but your health is so much more important."

"Even if I leave, it won't keep me alive," she pointed out.

"No, but it might keep you alive longer. I don't...I can't lose you, Jen. Not yet."

She hadn't considered that. Finally, she nodded, raising her eyes to his.

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"I want you to tell them. It will be easier if they hear it from you."

Gibbs nodded, kissing her forehead softly.

"When?"

"I'll file the paperwork for my leave of absence when we get to my office. Tell them while I'm upstairs. I don't think I can handle their sympathy just yet."

"Done."

He flipped the switch, sending the elevator towards her office, and Jenny leaned against him heavily. She shook her head when he offered to help her walk the short distance, and she paused at Cynthia's desk.

"Cynthia?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Can you come into my office, please?"

She felt as though she owed it to the younger woman to tell her in person. Standing quickly, her assistant followed her into the room, closing the door behind her in confusion.

"Am I being fired, Director Shepard?"

Jenny laughed, shaking her head reassuringly. She sat down carefully in her chair, searching her desk for the paperwork she had filled out months prior and looked at her seriously.

"No, you're not being fired. I need you to file this leave request for me. As soon as we're done here."

She held it out and Cynthia took it from her, reading it curiously.

"You're taking a leave of absence? For how long?"

"Indefinitely," Jenny sighed.

"Is...is something wrong, Director?"

The redhead was silent, and finally she nodded, unable to meet the young woman's eyes.

"I'm sick, Cynthia. Dying, actually. By taking this leave of absence, it allows Assistant Director Vance time to prepare everything he needs and it gives him time to be briefed on anything that is necessary."

Cynthia's eyes widened, and Jenny wasn't surprised to find that they were filled with tears.

"Is there anything that I can do to help?"

Jenny smiled.

"Give Gibbs hell," she quipped.

Laughing in spite of the seriousness, Cynthia nodded.

"What about me? Do I still have a job here?"

Jenny nodded.

"Absolutely. In the event that Vance does decide to replace you, I've already written a letter of recommendation and all of your performance reviews will back that up. You don't have to worry."

As Cynthia continued to read through the paperwork, Jenny wondered how Gibbs was handling the situation in the squad room. It had to be going just as badly as hers was.

* * *

Gibbs picked up his phone, requesting Abby and Ducky's presence in the squad room, and McGee frowned as he beckoned them all to the center of the room. Tony and Ziva exchanged confused glances and as the doctor and the scientist entered the room, they stared at the man in front of them.

"Okay, listen up. There's something that I need to tell all of you, and I need your complete attention. Director Shepard is taking a leave of absence, effective immediately, and the length of time is undetermined. As such, Assistant Director Vance will be arriving by the end of the week to take over her responsibilities."

Abby's hand shot up, and Gibbs glanced at her.

"Gibbs...she's sick, isn't she? It was her blood that Ducky asked me to run those tests on...wasn't it?"

He nodded, and Tony frowned.

"Is she gonna be okay?"

Gibbs didn't answer immediately and Ziva nodded, understanding his silence.

"She is dying," the Israeli replied.

"Boss? Is that true?" McGee asked quietly.

The silver-haired agent nodded again, and looked at them seriously.

"No one is to say anything about this. When she's ready, she'll make the official announcement, but until then, keep it quiet."

"Can I come visit her while she's gone?" Abby asked softly.

"I think she'd like that, Abs, but I'll ask her just to be sure. Now, I'm taking the rest of the day off, I'm driving her home and I do not want to be disturbed. Is that clear?"

They all nodded, and Abby wiped her tears away silently. As they were dismissed, Ziva walked up to Gibbs, wrapping her arms around him in a slightly awkward hug.

"Give this to Jenny when you take her home."

He nodded, touched by the depth of Ziva's friendship with the redhead, and smiled.

"Thanks, Ziva."

* * *

Jenny didn't have the strength to protest as Gibbs carried her from the bedroom to the living room, and he frowned at her quietness. She'd been unusually silent during the first few weeks of her leave, and he set her down carefully, running his hand through her hair.

"Jen?"

She looked up at him, and he smiled.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm alive," she said quietly.

He knew, just from those two words, that it was a bad day. She'd been having more bad than good lately, and he nodded, leaning down to kiss her cheek gently. Though she had initially protested, Jenny was now profoundly grateful that he had taken time off to be with her. He lifted her ankles slowly, sitting down with her legs across his lap, and she frowned slightly.

"What are you doing?"

"Spending time with you," he said simply.

"Yes, I can see that," she said sarcastically, "but I meant specifically in this moment."

He ignored her harsh tone, knowing that she was only lashing out at him because of the situation, and he smiled.

"Do you think you'd be up for a visit from someone today?"

"Depends on who it is," came her honest reply.

He nodded, thinking back to the last time Abby had visited. As much as Jenny loved the younger woman, her overly emotional reaction to seeing the redhead had taken a lot out of Jenny, and she wasn't quite sure she would be able to handle it at the present moment.

"Ducky wanted to check on you."

Thinking for a minute, Jenny nodded, smiling at the thought.

"Of course. I'm always happy to see him."

Dizziness crashed over her, and she closed her eyes slowly, causing Gibbs to frown at her sudden stillness.

"Jen?"

"I might need to sleep for a bit beforehand," she said, opening her eyes and exhaling carefully.

Gibbs nodded, reaching for her hand.

"Take as long as you need."

He moved from his position on the couch, wrapping her in a blanket, and he offered her a reassuring smile.

"I love you, Jen."

She smiled.

"I love you, too."

* * *

Though Jenny was still asleep, Gibbs opened the door when Ducky knocked, leading him up the stairs. He wanted to have a word in private with the doctor, and given the redhead's current physical state, he knew there was no way that she would be able to climb the stairs and interrupt them.

"How is she, Jethro?"

"Sleeping right now. Does that a lot more now. She said that was the only benefit, given how she never used to be able to sleep in the past. She's been kind of short with me the past few days, but I think it's a combination of boredom, anger and fear. Lost more weight, and I didn't even think that was possible. Jenny's always been thin, but this is scary."

Ducky nodded, and looked at him seriously.

"Anything else?"

"She has trouble holding things. Drops things a lot. I don't know if it's because it's too heavy for her, or if her muscle is that weak."

"Probably a bit of both. It's heavier because her muscles are deteriorating. As such, it makes movement more difficult, causes inflammation in the body, and it's just generally painful. Has she complained of the pain?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"You know Jen. Wouldn't complain if she'd lost her hand."

"True. May I see her? I might be able to give you both a better idea of what to expect. Can she walk still?"

"Sometimes. Less and less each day. She's determined to try for as long as possible."

Ducky nodded.

"For once, her stubbornness is a good thing. By doing so, she's keeping her muscles stronger for a lengthened amount of time."

Nodding, Gibbs led him down the stairs and into the living room, and the doctor felt his heart break at the sight of the thin woman sleeping on the couch. She was paler than he had ever seen, and her body seemed to be swallowed by the blanket covering her. The former marine approached her slowly, running his hand through her hair, and she stirred at the contact.

"Hey, Jen...Ducky's here. Think you can wake up long enough to not be rude?"

Without opening her eyes, Jenny raised her hand, flipping him off weakly and he laughed.

"If anyone's being rude here, it's you," she said tiredly, but she smiled as she looked at him.

She glanced at Ducky, giving him a genuine smile, and she slowly raised herself to a sitting position.

"Hi, Ducky."

"Hello, Jennifer. How are you today?"

Rolling her eyes, Jenny sighed, glaring at Gibbs.

"Other than dealing with this jerk, I'm okay. Pretty tired, but I'm getting used to that."

Gibbs leaned down, kissing her cheek, and stayed there for a moment, his words serious.

"Tell him the truth, Jen."

Straightening up, he smiled at his friend and gestured to the room broadly.

"I'll let you have time to talk. I need to make a shopping list for Noemi anyway."

Ducky sat down on the other end of the couch as he left and looked at Jenny seriously.

"How bad is the pain?"

Jenny shrugged, blowing her hair out of her face.

"Most of the time, it's not bad. It's there, but I can manage it. Then there are times where I feel like my entire body was soaked in acid and lit on fire. That's not what bothers me, though."

"What is?"

"It's the inconsistency. One day, I'll feel perfectly fine. I can walk outside, I don't feel any pain at all, and then the next day, I'll feel like I was hit by a train. Almost like I'm being punished for having a good day. And I have so few of those now that it pisses me off."

He nodded, searching her eyes carefully, noticing the tears in the viridian depths.

"You're angry."

"Of course I'm angry," Jenny snapped, "I've worked my entire life to have a career I can be proud of, I dealt with so much blatant sexism for so many years, and now I finally have the chance to be with someone that I love who loves me, and it's all being taken away from me. It isn't fair, Ducky! This isn't supposed to happen until I'm a hell of a lot older. I just—"

She broke off, her eyes closing as she tried to get her emotions under control, and she took a shaky breath.

"I'm so scared, Ducky."

He moved closer, wrapping his arms around her, and he stroked her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"I know, my dear. It's perfectly normal to be scared, and I would honestly be concerned if you weren't. And you're right, it isn't fair. You and Jethro both deserve better than this, and I wish I could find a way to give it to you."

"I can tell it won't be long, Ducky. I'm not stupid. Every day I lose a little bit more, and I'm not able to get it back. Jethro's trying to pretend that he doesn't notice, but I can see it in his eyes. He knows it, too."

She pulled back just enough to look at him and met his eyes seriously.

"I love you, Ducky," she said softly, a small sob escaping her.

"I love you too, Jennifer. You're like the daughter I never had."

Jenny buried her head into his shoulder again, pretending that she didn't notice the tears that landed in her hair as they fell from the doctor's eyes. As she cried in Ducky's comforting embrace, neither of them noticed the shadow on the stairs as Gibbs sat on them, tears of his own threatening to fall.

* * *

When he looked back in the months that followed, Leroy Jethro Gibbs came to feel that his last happy day was April 22nd. The weather was warm, the sun shining bright, and Jenny was feeling well enough to go for a short walk in the late hours of the morning. In spite of the warmth of the day, she still had a light jacket wrapped around her shoulders to protect from the slight wind, and she smiled as they walked down the street.

"Thought April was supposed to be full of rain," he said as he glanced up at the blue sky.

"Don't complain," Jenny laughed, leaning into his chest lightly, "I'm sick of the rain."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her hair softly. Though she had managed to walk without much help when they had started, he could tell that she was beginning to tire. Gibbs couldn't stop staring at her as they walked, amazed that even when she was so ill, she was still breathtakingly beautiful. Her skin was so pale that it was nearly translucent, and her thin frame had earned them more than a few looks as they had passed by the houses on the street, but her eyes were just as stunning as they had always been. Her hair had dulled somewhat over the past weeks, but it was still that striking shade of red that he had fallen in love with nearly a decade ago.

They were close to her house now, and as they walked up to the steps, Gibbs frowned. He wasn't sure if she would be able to handle the stairs, and he swept her into his arms with a smile.

"Jethro," Jenny laughed, "what are you doing?"

"Carrying you over the threshold," he quipped.

"We're not married," she reminded him.

He shrugged.

"Might as well be."

She frowned at his words, considering their implications, and as he shut her front door behind them, she smiled again.

"Okay, you carried me over the threshold, now put me down."

He did as she asked, and as they stood in the front hall, he leaned down to kiss her gently.

"I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you too, Jen. Always have, always will."

He lifted her into his arms again, ignoring her weak protests, and Jenny, who had less than two weeks to live, laughed happily as they made their way to the bedroom.

* * *

When Gibbs walked into the bedroom, he was surprised to find Jenny sitting up in the bed, quietly reading a book, and he frowned.

"Morning, Jen."

"Morning."

He sat down next to her, running his hand over her leg lightly, and she smiled as she set her book down on the bed next to her pillow.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired. I had to take three pain pills before it finally helped at all."

He frowned.

"Is that safe?"

Jenny shrugged.

"I doubt it, but I'm already dying, Jethro. I don't really think the pills will make it go much faster."

"Don't say that, Jen."

He hated hearing her talk about dying, though he knew that she thought of little else. Jenny looked at him seriously, but the sadness in her eyes was what caught his attention.

"I know you don't want to accept it, but it's the truth, Jethro. I am dying. Sooner rather than later, and I'm worried about you. What are you going to do when I'm gone?"

"Don't worry about me. I'll manage."

She rolled her eyes.

"I know how much you hold on to things, Jethro. Don't try to bullshit me. You have a harder time letting things go than anyone I've ever met. In the workplace, it's admirable most of the time. With this...this has the potential to be very destructive. Don't try to pretend that this isn't going to affect you. Please...don't lie to me. Not now."

He sighed, raising his eyes to hers, and it hit him suddenly that his days of seeing them were limited. The thought caused tears to form in his, and Jenny frowned.

"What is it?"

"I just realised...your eyes are the most beautiful thing I've seen...and I won't be able to see them after..."

Jenny reached for his hand, and pulled him closer, kissing him as hard as she could. His free hand wound into her hair, and she smiled as she opened her eyes, locking onto his cobalt blue.

"Promise me something?"

He nodded.

"Let people help you through this. Don't shut them out."

"I promise, Jen."

* * *

As soon as he entered the bedroom, he could tell that something had changed. Jenny was in the same position he'd left her, wrapped in the blankets with her hair strewn about the pillow, but her breathing was decidedly more shallow than it had been before. He took her wrist in his hand, the weak pulse making his blood run cold, and he looked at her fearfully.

"Jen?"

She didn't move, showed no sign of hearing him, and he gripped her hand tightly.

"Jen, can you hear me?"

Gibbs knew, even as he tried to wake her, that it was useless. He leaned over, kissing her gently, and tried to ignore the tears in his eyes.

"I know you're scared, Jen. I know you're worried about me, but I want you to know this. It's okay. You don't have to stay for me. I'll be okay. If you're ready, it's okay. You can let go."

He kissed her again, noticing that the intervals between her breaths was increasing each second, and he ran his hand through her hair gently.

"I love you, Jen. I always will, and nothing will ever take that away from us."

He wrapped his arm around her, laying his head next to hers on the pillow, and kissed her hair softly.

"I love you so much."

His eyes closed, trying to keep the tears from falling, but they dripped down his face regardless, and he tightened his hold on her. It happened quietly: one minute she was breathing, and the next, her breath stopped, leaving Gibbs to stare down at her body in silent disbelief. He'd held onto the hope, however foolishly, that she would somehow pull through this right up until the moment her heart had stopped.

Her skin was still warm as he kissed her one last time, and when he pulled out his phone, he had to leave the room, unable to stand it any longer.

"Hello?"

"Ducky..."

He couldn't say anything more, and he took a deep breath trying to compose himself.

"What is it, Jethro?"

"Jenny's dead," he said hollowly.

He heard Ducky's sharp breath, heard him saying something, but the words refused to register. The phone fell out of his hand, and he slid down the wall, unable to move, hardly able to think, the weight of his loss making it almost impossible to breathe.

* * *

Gibbs didn't even hear the knocking on the door, and he was surprised to see Ducky standing over him, his eyes concerned.

"Jethro?"

He didn't respond and Ducky knelt down, looking into his eyes.

"Where is she?"

Again, there was no answer, and Ducky could only assume that she was in the bedroom. He walked past him, closing the bedroom door softly, and approached the bed slowly. Even as he felt for a pulse, Ducky knew that she was gone, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead gently.

"I love you, Jennifer," he whispered, "I am so very sorry."

He walked back out, sitting down next to Gibbs in the hall and he sighed.

"Jethro...I am so sorry. If you'd like, I can make the arrangements for the funeral services."

The younger man nodded, and Ducky placed his hand on his shoulder softly.

"Will you be okay tonight? I'd be more than glad to stay if you need."

"No, thanks, Duck. I think I need to do this alone."

Nodding understandingly, Ducky gave him one final look before walking back down the stairs, his heart breaking for the young woman he had loved like a daughter, and for the man who had loved her and been left to carry on without her.

* * *

Staring at the smooth wood of Jenny's coffin, Gibbs found that his eyes were surprisingly dry. He could feel Abby's eyes on him, and as they walked away from the burial site, he let his fingers brush over the coffin.

"Sorry, Jen."

Abby wrapped her arms around him, her tears finally slowing, and she looked at him seriously.

"Gibbs...are you going to be okay? I know how much she meant to you."

"Means, Abs. Didn't change just because she's gone."

She smiled sadly, and he kissed her cheek.

"I'll be fine. Made her a promise that I would be."

The hand on his shoulder made him turn, and Gibbs found himself facing the concerned eyes of the Scottish doctor.

"It was a beautiful service, Duck. Thanks for everything."

Ducky nodded, holding out his hand.

"Jennifer wanted me to give you this. Asked me to hold onto it until after the funeral."

He glanced down, frowning at the small tape recorder in his hand, and took it from him.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask."

He hugged the younger man, his grip tight, as though he were trying to hold him together, and his voice was low enough that only he could hear.

"Never forget how much she loved you."

Gibbs nodded as he let go, and found himself facing the remaining members of his team. Tony looked at him seriously and held out his hand.

"Boss, I...I know how hard this must be for you. Jenny was an amazing woman. I owe her a lot."

"Don't screw it up then, DiNozzo. Make her proud."

He nodded, and Ziva looked at the silver-haired agent, her eyes filled with uncharacteristic tears.

"Your visits always made her happy, Ziva. She was always in a better mood after you left."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You were a good friend to her, and she cared about you a lot."

McGee was last, offering quiet words of condolences, and when Gibbs climbed into his truck, it took everything in him to keep from crying as he drove to his house.

* * *

Downing the last of his bourbon, Gibbs took out the box on the shelf, rummaging through it until he found the picture he'd been searching for. Taken in Paris, Jenny had her arm around him, smiling up at him as the lights from the shops behind them illuminated her eyes. He couldn't tear his gaze away from her bright green eyes, remembering the last time he'd seen them, and he frowned as he suddenly remembered the tape Ducky had given him.

He had no idea if he was really ready for this, but he took a deep breath, bracing himself as he pressed the button to play it. At first, there was nothing but silence, and he frowned.

"Jethro, I know you're probably wondering what in the hell this is, and I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

As Jenny's voice filled the silence, he immediately felt tears fill his eyes at the sound.

"I would have written this down in a letter, but given our history, I didn't think you would appreciate that. Besides, I can't hold a pen that long. I want you to know how much these last few months have meant to me. I know that this hasn't been easy for you, and I wish I could change that. What I wouldn't change is the time we've had together. I spent so much time running away from our past, from the feelings I still had for you, and to be able to have this time together now means more than anything in the world. I'm sorry that I ran for so long and wasted so much time.

I know that our time is short, and it won't be long now until this is the only way you'll have to hear me say this, so I want you to know how much I love you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you, and the thought of leaving you hurts me so much more than any pain I'm going through. Don't dwell on my death when I'm gone, just remember that I'll always be with you in a way. I'm asking Ducky to hold onto this tape until after the funeral, mainly because I know how curious you are, and I don't want to risk you hearing it until you need it most. Thank you for everything you've given me. I love you, Jethro, more than anything in the universe, and please don't ever forget that."

The tape clicked off, and Gibbs poured another drink, downing it in seconds. Wiping away the tears on his face, he sighed as he ran his fingers over her face in the photograph still in his hand. He knew that this was going to hurt like hell, that it would take longer than he wanted to admit to be able to keep his promise, but he was determined to do it. He wouldn't disappoint her like that.

"I love you, Jen. I miss you so damn much."

He would have sworn that he could feel her in the room, and a sad smile came over his face as he looked at the picture again.

"I promise I won't let you down."

* * *

**A/N: Not gonna lie, I teared up a bit during parts of this. **


End file.
